The pain of growing up

I don't feel like talking much to anyone.

I feel alone.
Mentally alone.
The feeling has long gone and now its back.

I remember how I long for university life.
Freedom. New lifestyle. New identity. New friends. Studying my dream course.
Everything seems perfect back then.

I have friends. I thought.
I trust everyone.
I try helping whenever I can.
But, Broadcasting field is not that pretty after all.

Yesterday, when meeting up with old friends, I had this conversation with Weijiin.
He currently taking mass comm too.
He agreed with the fact that its difficult to put your trust to anyone in mass comm field.

I'm losing my trust to people around.
I hate that alot.
Friends, for me, I put my trust to all of them.
But, I've often get back stabbed at the end.
How pain is that?
Seriously, words couldn't describe it.

I'm feeling lonely in my university life.
So many times, I ask myself, should I just give up?
It's tiring to put on pretending face sometimes to people you know who isn't sincere to you.

I don't know who to tell my story to?
I don't know who can I trust?
I don't know who hate me but pretend to be nice to me?
I don't know how long can I stand?

I guess.
I care about others too much til most of the time I ignore my own feeling.
I missed the time back to the carefree me, the innocent happy little girl who runs around happily.

I wish.
I can turn back the time.....