Something brought her to you. :)

Eh please ah, big boy shouldn't be manja-ing around.
Alright, you sound cute when you did that. Ahaks!
I do wish that I'll be able to tag along, and I'll try my best to at least show up for while before it ends.


"Huh?! How come you won't be there? Yerrr... It won't be fun without you there."


Thanks.
That shall make my day.
Hehe. ^^

Addicted to our conversation.

Will be able to talk to you more in the future since you're now back after the long hiatus. Woots :)

I really do miss you lots.

Am turning into a typical Gemini. Uughhh...

You called me Alice.

Dear you,


Memories flow back.
Everything seems to be so different now and I think I'm entering another level of maturity. 
I am smiling from the bottom of my heart. :)


We've shared so much of wonderful memories, and I'm thankful that we did went through a couple of events together in such short time. I've been asking myself, why think about those sad memories and fall into the trap of sadness?

I love us, for being so adorable and cute and just so close to each other.

I miss how my heart stop beating when I first snap a photograph of your back while you were busy helping me. Don't ask me why, I guess that was ze sign. 
I miss the massage session. You always massage for me when I was tired or when I asked you so, but you seldom ask me to massage you cause you know I got no strength. =p
I miss the photography sharing session that we had when I was still a freshie who knows nothing about ISO, shutter speed and etc.
I miss the way you said I'll be your little sis forever. I smiled when you said that to me because I love the word 'forever'.
I miss your expression when you saw freckles on my face and call me 'ang moh' girl. 
I miss you calling me 'Goofy' just because I wear a big black frame specs and you think I look like 'Pluto' when I raise my eyebrows (and you called me 'Goofy' cause 'Goofy' sounds funnier) . ==
I miss our car bonding session, we had so much to talk, and you will tell me a lot of stories.
I miss leaning on you shoulder while waiting.
I miss you teaching me how to hold chopsticks properly and told me that I've improved when I managed to pick fish ball with chopsticks. 
I miss you playing with my toes and toe ring when I put my legs on your laps while I was lying on the floor.
I miss your huge gray sweater, my best friend whenever I was not feeling well.
I miss you touching my tummy when I complained to you about tummy ache. 
I miss you playing with my long long hair and say nothing but run your fingers through them.
I miss all those smileys in our sms and msn conversation, because they make me laugh too.
I miss you apologizing to me just because you raise your voice a little and i purposely ignore you cause I was too mad with you. 
I miss you asking me to rest my head on your laps when you saw me leaning on the hard hard chair.
I miss your proud expression when you show me pictures of your friends and talked to me about them.
I miss your funny expression when you talked about your family and the little you.
I miss how you were kinda mad with me for not trusting you.
I miss you telling me 怎样都好，要善待自己 (no matter what happen, we must be good to ourselves) because nobody knows us and knows what we want better than ourselves.
I miss how you always tell me drivers who drive recklessly are all rushing to go toilets.
I miss the time when you fetch me with ze big big motorbike, and ze warm warm breeze.
I miss you hugging me from the back accidentally just cause we were too into our tickling game.
I miss you warming me up by holding my hands before sleeping and hug my shoulder while when we were in the high land. 
I miss us lying on the bed with our legs crossing each others like small kids.
I miss how you were trying to carry me up by wrapping blanket around me.
I miss the way you hug me when I wished you Happy Birthday while we were walking on the street when the clock struck at 12am.
I miss the time when we went to shop together and you were laughing at how I looked like a small girl in pajamas when I was trying on some tops.
I miss you smiling at me even though you were very mad with some failed arrangement. 
I miss you for being so protective and protect/take care of me whenever I face problem/need help.
I miss how you always know me so well, know what to do to make me feel better, and tell others about me when they ask you.
I miss everything about you, and how nice if I was able to capture all those moments that we've shared. Cause I'm beginning to lose them bit by bit.


I promise, this is going to be the last time I will ever talk about you.
It's time to pick up the broken pieces and continue ze journey.

I thank you for leaving remarkable foot prints in my life.
And yes, I fell in love with you and I have nothing to hide about it. :)


Yours sincerely

♥ Little me ♥

Monologue.

And so I was just imagining.


I never realize until she told me she never seen me like that for such a long time, she can see that I was really happy. I guess, there's no harm in imagining if that's the case.
I was so into that imagination until I couldn't sleep on the night before the so called 'date'. There were different memories and stories playing in my mind. 
I'm clear with the fact that I'm always a buddy and never be the girl, yet, I was thinking perhaps it is time to give it a try instead of the never ending waiting for ze explanation to be made which has now seems to be pretty impossible because nobody is making the first move.
I'm moving on, away from what seems like a mixture of hero story and fairy tale.

**********************
Hey boy, as much as I wish for the chemical to take effects, I'm actually quite comfortable with our friendship. The past was kinda vague but I'm glad that we are able to reunite after all those years of separation.
I was quite surprised that we can just crap like there's nobody business especially on styling, and girls. 
You've played a part in my decision making, and I love the buddy's love between us.
And for this time, I'll let the God do His job for yet another decision making.


Honestly, I enjoy being single but I'm craving for that company.
A pretty selfish thought, but sometimes, we tend to be selfish in a way, don't we? :)

I'll be the koala bear, and you'll be the tree...^^

May this false alarm stay as long as it can be.

You asked me to give you a call when I reach here, but I never bother bout it, cause I know you will be busy working at that hour.

What I didn't expect was you actually text my Malaysia number and asked if I'm over here.

I was supposed to call you, and so I called you.

We talked on the phone, for the first time.

I love how you tried to make it up for me after you found out I will be alone.

"I will sleep earlier tonight and teman you tomorrow. Will call you up after work."

I think this is sweet.

No, I'm not seeing anyone.

I was just imagining.

The heavy rain, that lonely night.

Am feeling so helpless, so lonely, so lost recently, that I got so frustrated with anything and everything.
If only I'll be able to away from this city, perhaps I will be happier.
I don't know why did I let myself sinked into this depression, but I couldn't help myself to jump out of this either.

And I tell myself, "It's okay. Just cry out loud if you feel like you can't take all these by yourself anymore."


I need someone to walk me out of this drama...

默默的守护着，紧紧的拥抱自己。

觉得有点过意不去。
不晓得说，是不是不小心顶撞了他？
他说的话不是没有道理，我原本就是那样做。
不过，我也是遵照他人的吩咐去办事。
希望他能够明白我急着为自己辩护的心情。


自我保护的心态再次明显化，忐忑不安。
因为这一趟归来，不再会有人像以往般的维护着我。
我是变得惆怅，没有丝毫好转，反而越来越严重。
原谅我没办法那么轻易的从过去走出来。


一直都在相信，老天爷是要我鼓起勇气完成那未完成的事情，才把我送回到原点。
日子一天天的过，始终没办法踏出第一步。
会不会直到下次离开的那天，一切都犹如上次离开时，那么的令人难过？


脸上僵硬着的弧度，也会有垮下来的时候。。。

我想，我真的懂了心痛到麻痹的感觉

一句很短的对话， 证实了一直不敢正视的问题。
并没有想像中的那么难过，真的...


我只是想你亲自告诉我，究竟一年前是发生了什么事？
你一直都还在这里，对不？
你一直都有在看，对不？
纵使只是一封短讯，或一封email，或一张纸条，我也都甘愿。


我真的期望有个能让我停止这一切的答案。

那一滴泪，永远记住。

有种寂寞的心在作怂。
那种感觉只有在见到他的时候才会被释放出来。
不会心跳加速，不会脸红，不会羞怯。
纯粹因为本来就是如此。
只想有人陪着，告诉我应该这样那样，偶尔改变自己的造型。
格外珍惜，纵使就只有那么三分之一天。


一直都在裹足不前，完完全全被心结给绑住。
倘若四年前能够豁出去的要个解释，为什么四年后却变得如此胆怯的害怕听见不想听的事实？
我们曾经在错的时间上有过共鸣，我一直都想这样的相信着。
太过于执着，让自己遍体鳞伤，却也心甘情愿。


我想我不会再爱你。
挣扎很久，失落很久，难过更久。
一股冲动，想要紧紧地抱住你，只可惜缘份真的已到了尽头。

几句，重点。

一句话，一个小动作，往往都能置人于死地。
太在乎，很多时候换来的却是那挫败感，那堆脸上的忧愁，那一直锁得紧紧的眉头。
不想成为空气般透明，但却一直朝着这个方向前进。
迷失了，迷失在不豁达。

Crisis.

Can we for once stop talking about money?
Can we for once stop thinking about this bill that bill to be settled?
It is when at times like this, I wish I am the super girl.
Mad tired, but that wouldn't help anything.

你问我，我说我不知道

刻骨铭心的两次。
放下了第一次,
还紧握着第二次。
我还是很在意，
虽然看似不在乎。
是应该打起精神，
振作起来。
锁定目标，
往前冲！
没有终点的冲刺，
因为人是贪心的，
永远要的越来越多。
刻骨铭心，
究竟是否还重要？

Smile, because they care.

The grandma called and asked if I'm busy with work?

Apparently the grandpa kept asking why their darling grandgirl haven't been updating them in a while.

My bad. Sigh.

Seriously feel bad for making them worry about me, and I just can't stop worrying them, can I?

I always thought I look forward for everything to begin, but when the reality kicks in, I realize I dreaded this whole damn thing.
I feel like running away.

The body has not been very helpful with the bad cramps and spinning world and cold sweat.

2am and I'm still translating the synopsis.

7.5 more pages to go.

And I doubt I will be able to finish the translation by this morning.

Pick up the pieces, even though everything is so untrue.

I wish I could cry out loud anytime as I wish, but true enough to be said, I've never been quite the same ever since internship. No as cry baby as I used to be, and always remind myself to be mature and professional in handling my own emotion, especially now that I have started work.

I remember the boss always remind me to be professional when I was just an intern. He said, being an intern doesn't mean that you should act like an intern, but must be professional, so that others won't take advantage of you. From there, the first lesson I learnt was to control my own emotion.

It wasn't easy to begin with, because I got tense up so easily and you know once I tense up I will be super duper emo and here you go, the stupid crying here and there, but of course not in front of everyone la please.

There was once, I got myself into that one big hard time, but I managed to pulled it through. Not because I was that good in holding up my tears, not because I was that professional, it was all due to that pair of worried yet encouraging eyes that I looked into.

Things changed, people change, but memories will never fade, no matter how time flies. 

Thought of escaping, but failed. Finding myself back to the square was never easy, too. FML.

I know I'm not supposed to collapse at this time, but I have no idea how long I will able to hold myself from falling apart. I just keep reminding myself, no crying, eveything's going to be fine. How I wish its all just a nightmare, and when I wake up in the morning, I will be smiling again and looking forward for the unknown future that's awaiting ahead of me.

Somehow, not even a Hi Bye

Zero interaction.
And I always ask myself, is this going to last forever?
Honestly, what exactly happened?
Will I even get an answer?


Holding back, because that's the only thing I could do now.

如果，没有。

“是因为你比任何人来得积极。

那是好事。

我希望，在以后的日子，你会继续积极下去，积极地争取你想要的东西。”

曾经，有人这么说过。

无法潇洒的挥一挥衣袖,只因我不是徐志摩

每个人是多么的开心
新娘看着大家
以为自己也是快乐的


走在婚宴上的红地毯
她望着身边的他
猛然转过了身


新娘跑了
冲出了婚宴的大门
拖着长长的新娘裙摆
踏着高跟鞋
在那长长的走廊
彷徨的跑着


走廊
仿佛与既陌生又熟悉的小学
接连着


听着朗朗的念书声
新娘踮着脚尖
轻手轻脚的走过课室
这样走过了无数间


新娘停下了脚步
从窗的缝隙望进课室
看到小孩们专心的上课


新娘会心笑了下
一位单眼皮小男孩
无意间发现了她
朝她吐了吐舌头
露出皮皮的笑容
一对小眼睛眯着
和那参差不齐的牙齿


新娘也向他吐了吐舌头
再踮着脚尖离开
拖着长长的裙摆


随后的
新娘又回到了婚宴
过后的过后
她遇到了许多人
她爱过和爱着的人


婚礼是否办成
也不曾晓得


睁开双眼
那是一个阴天早晨
崭新的旅途才正要开始

我们曾经彼此对望着，为彼此加油

侧视镜反映出后方的天空。

夕阳的余光把天空照得金蓝色，很是美丽。

猛然抬起头，前方暗蓝色的天空，与后方的天空形成了对比。

车子拐了个大弯，前方又是金蓝色的天空。

人生总是这样的吧？

我们总爱回首，总以为往事的好，不可能重现。

可往往却忽略了未来的美好，其实正等待着我们的发现。

**********

也许一直都在介怀着，纳闷着。

两条交叉线，一旦成为平行线，就不会有再次交叉的一天吗？

我不明白，一直都不曾明白。。。
因为回避的眼神已经把距离拉得越来越远。

Perhaps, its time to hit the sack.

Time flies.

And honestly, I don't know what am I doing for now.

A little too much and too soon?

Hmmm...

I might be in the jungle, but sadly not a single tree that I could hold tight to it when I fall.

I guess that explains all.

Just let it be, let it be, and let it be...

I may not be perfect, but I'm always me.

Everything happens for a reason.

A brand new journey will begin in another one week of time.

After 3.5 months of waiting, after all those ups and downs, and finally the one good piece of news.

未完成的...

你好吗 你好吗
小小声祝你 生日快乐
小小的诚意 愿你快乐
小小的勇气 望你笑了
小小的自己 真心笑了

所以，我现该做些什么？

男女之前错综复杂的关系真的很难理解。
分分合合，暧昧不断，不晓得是为了什么原因？
其实也没有很关自己的事，可是接到刚才那通来电难免不担心。
那种关系，没完没了，早就应该放掉。
猛的发现，原来找一个人聊天，都还需顾虑那么多。
超级纳闷，无奈。

期待，下一站。

想起了朋友你自豪的秀着你那排洁白的牙。。。
“你看我的牙那么白，就知道我没有抽烟啦。。。”
是啊，你的牙的确很白。
自豪的不隐瞒，我喜欢。


始终很感谢那一段对话。
已做出抉择，等待的是时机的到来。


也许已不再属于那个地方。
离开也许是更好的选择，向前看，迈向未来的未知数。
过去属于过去，本来就该被埋在最深处。


虽说把心遗留在上个夏天里梦幻的快乐与忧伤，但接下来真实的生活和工作的压力相信很快能把心呼唤回来。 


*生命总是神秘的变幻莫测，也许下一站，会更好。*

影子的假面

也不晓得要的是什么？
是一份关心还是只想要有人注意？
矛盾的心情总是牢牢跟着。


发呆也许是个很好的活动吧！
把脑袋放空，什么都不去想。。。
心里却有把声音，问着：“你真的有那么的潇洒吗？”


也许一直都是活在阴影下。。。
是否能走出来，已经不重要。。。

爱的愚人

时针分针和秒针

已无法回到我们俩的天真

回避着彼此的眼神

冰冷的手 你的余温

我摸索记忆中拥抱的体温

暖暖 晨光就在此刻透渗

是你 让我乱了神

为爱情我愿变笨

愿为你 当爱的愚人

让爱往你奔

你却锁上心门

我在你手 你在我心 划下了伤痕

不会有怨愤

已逝去的缘份 让我学会不问

爱是真的 受伤也很深

是你 让我乱了神

为爱情我愿变笨

愿为你 当爱的愚人

让爱往你奔

你却锁上心门

我在你手 你在我心 划下了伤痕

不会有怨愤

已逝去的缘份 让我学会不问

爱是真的 受伤也很深

希望还能够拥有那熟悉的安全感

让爱往你奔

你却锁上心门

我在你手 你在我心 划下了伤痕

不会有怨愤

已逝去的缘份 让我学会不问

爱是真的 受伤也很深

感觉对了 却是错的人

**************************
没用很想解释我的文字。

就把这当作我沉默了一阵子后的出发点。

没办法阻止别人胡思乱想，也没办法停止写下去。

我的自由，其实不属于我。

我们就只活那么一次，过去就让他过去吧！

也许这样会比较好吧！
考虑了很久，终于做出这个决定。
可是却有好多关需要通过，才可以展开翅膀。
老天保佑。
我只想轰轰烈烈的干那一次。
理性是时候归队了。

可能有太多东西一直压抑着没抒发出来吧，竟然在半睡半醒的状态哭了。

流眼泪没几下又继续睡。

是怎样现在？

-.-|||

溪水穿流，风景依旧。

天空的蓝，反映着心情的灰

那反复的来回和一直的等待

在那瞬间，归零。

独角戏的演员

独白着，笑着，哭着

等待伯乐的赏识。

悬在半空的心

已无法支撑疑惑的重量

渐渐地坠落。

寂寞的心

她不再因为遇见你

跳动，心跳加速。

也许，我不曾忘记

也许，你已经忘了

两者之间并没有平衡点。

眼神流露出的闪烁

嘴角上扬的弧度

随着时间，减淡。

Never ending cycle, it just never end.

Read this particular post of sweatlee.

As I was reading through the post, I find it like a reflection of myself, in a way.

Haven been feeling too good recently.

Emotion in a very unstable stage, insomnia and panda eyes are my best friends for now.

My mind's now like thousands pieces of puzzle that fall all over the place, waiting for someone to pick them up and arrange them nicely as how it was supposed to look like again.

I show all my emotion on my face, hence, the 'shit face'.

I get offended easily, I lash out my anger to friends and family, I take every sad scene in movies or videos as my excuse to cry. I get upset and suspicious over unrelated things, I'm being too sensitive, and the list goes on and on.

Are all these symptoms for depression?

Part of them, I guess.

Sometimes, I wish I could have bigger nerves, so at least I will be happy go lucky. 

Never take things too serious, never remember what promises people had made and broke them, never care too much about others' expectation, never get sad for being taken for granted...

My brain must have divided itself to C drive (for studies where all files will be deleted after reformat) and D drive (for all memories in my life where no files will be delete even after reformat.)

For time like this, I hope I lost all memories and start all over again.

I was pretty upset by fact that I didn't do well in the final one.

Nobody to blame but myself.

At the end of the day, I'm good for nothing.

I don't know what I want.

I don't understand. How can things change just like that?

I ought to know what have I done before being sentence to death.

I wasn't prepare for things to happen this way.

There must be something's wrong, somewhere.

Because, I believe what I saw.

If I'm granted a wish right now,

I hope I will be able to get back to Alor Star in my long hair, with the evening breeze blowing across the wide paddy field, touching my face, under the pretty blue sky, because I know, at least I was smiling sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

And also, because things changed after I cut my luck away...

Yes, imma tell you who I like.

Ok. I know today is a Wednesday, a super haram Wednesday.
But Cerenna 'tag' me in this Monday meme from Su Ann's blog, so imma do it now since I've got nothing better to do (Okay, actually have to start revision like real soon, but I think Cerenna going to ki siao if I mention about this again wtf.)
Alright, so I'm not too sure whether I should comment in that blog or answer in my own blog.
Hmmm...
I guess, I'll just settle it in my own blog la, since its so dead these days.


***********************************
So yea, the question is:
What sort of person are you quite immediately attracted to?


For the time being...
Appearance - fat uncle with small eyes, goatee and belly, but chest and arms better be a little built up. No need to be that hard and muscular though. (Uncle equals to matured man. Haha. Don't know why but I think small eyes look cute, goatee looks hot, likes the geli feeling when touching it. Belly and chest can become my bed when he hugs from the back, arms can become bolster lol.) 
Personality - witty (enjoy listening to jokes and because laughter is the best medicine wakaka.), tidy (amazed with guys who can keep their stuff accordingly and neat), protective but not control freak (able to make me feel secure enough), sensitive (able to know what's going on with me without me telling. For example, when I'm extremely quiet and don't move around much, means I'm having period pain la wtf.)
Others - good and have passion in photography (then can teach me. ^^). Likes the feeling of sweating (Lol. So random, but I like!)


******************************
Actually at the end of the day, its the person who I feel comfortable to talk with that attracted me. Simple as that. So, you can actually scratch the middle part away. =p

1,2,3,木头人。

雨一直下，滴滴答答，落在屋顶，敲打着思念的音符。
心情酸酸的。


你听到了雨的声音吗？
看电影说，那是思念的声音。


嗯。。。也许吧。。。

雨一直下个不停，遮住了那一道道的泪迹。

都快一年了，为什么还是找不回你？你到底去了哪里？


快不行了。
这次真的败给了你。
为什么可以说消失就消失？


不要再躲起来了好不好？
因为我真的已经不知道该怎么办了。


很想放弃寻找你。
可是我办不到。


每次想到最后那几个断断续续的画面，就止不住泪。


我不应该在这里说的。
在希望你看到这些话的同时，我却不希望你看到。
我的心情是矛盾的。


可是你都不知道吧？
最懂我的你，不见了。


脸上划过无数次泪的痕迹。
心，念念不忘的，是你的一切。


我，好想念你哦。。。
笨蛋白痴大傻瓜。。。

原来每一次的每一次，还是会希望有你在。

我还是很想你。。。

虽然说，我们的距离已被莫名的沉默拉远。 

我很想念那个熊抱，即使今非昔比。
可以，再要多一次那样的熊抱吗？

那种眼神和笑容，如今只能在梦里遇见。。。

Sit back and relax.

St. Patrick Day kononnya, and we ended up in TGIF.

My first time being there wtf dam happening Friday can for both us that night.

Really TGIF.

Yummy food and girls talk session and ss camwhore session.

I just love my baby so muchieeee...

Ello there baby, thanks for being a good company. Always.

We shall have our next outing soon. ^^

你问我为何那么难过？

也许，是时候退出。
也许，一切都是虚幻的想像。
也许，心碎的声音并不仅仅如此。
也许，一旦掉入这漩涡就会无法自拔。


这一段故事，打从一开始，就充满了太多的变数和未知数。
勇敢的厚脸皮，这次还是被打败。
心情，就像傀儡版被拉扯着。
何时，才得以解脱？

过了做梦的年纪，却无法梦醒。

一直以来，都蛮反对身边的人做这种事情。
但原来，一旦自己身陷其中，还真的是不晓得该如何是好？
是要相信自己的直觉？还是相信爱没错？或是坚持自己设定的原则？


好烦。
生活为什么都围绕着‘抉择’这两个字？
整个人处于很不安的状态，怎么办？
越想就越怕，却还得笑笑装潇洒。


好想回到小时候，无忧无虑的。。。

语无伦次

深呼吸。冷静。
不行！现在酱亢奋的情况下，要怎么睡得着？
救命啊！
超开心的一天！！！^^

还是一样。

开心。
在慌乱时，听到了很舒服的那把声音。
语无伦次对上镇定。
慢慢的，慢了下来，以便听得清楚。


旧地重游。
同一个目的，不同格式，不同人物，不同感觉。


那棵树，依然在。
站在树底下，阳光偷偷的从叶缝间洒了些好奇的光。
依然清晰地记得，那棵树下的一切。
很多的第一次，有你的陪伴。
说真的，很想再次见到当时的我们。
那棵树下，有着属于我们的一切一切。
那些我一直很想保留着，最初的一切。


对你的思念，在情绪低落和亢奋的夜晚，总是格外格外的深。
我可不可以贪心的说，我真的真的真的很想你？