As I was reading through the post, I find it like a reflection of myself, in a way.
Haven been feeling too good recently.
Emotion in a very unstable stage, insomnia and panda eyes are my best friends for now.
My mind's now like thousands pieces of puzzle that fall all over the place, waiting for someone to pick them up and arrange them nicely as how it was supposed to look like again.
I show all my emotion on my face, hence, the 'shit face'.
I get offended easily, I lash out my anger to friends and family, I take every sad scene in movies or videos as my excuse to cry. I get upset and suspicious over unrelated things, I'm being too sensitive, and the list goes on and on.
Are all these symptoms for depression?
Part of them, I guess.
Sometimes, I wish I could have bigger nerves, so at least I will be happy go lucky.
Never take things too serious, never remember what promises people had made and broke them, never care too much about others' expectation, never get sad for being taken for granted...
My brain must have divided itself to C drive (for studies where all files will be deleted after reformat) and D drive (for all memories in my life where no files will be delete even after reformat.)
For time like this, I hope I lost all memories and start all over again.
I was pretty upset by fact that I didn't do well in the final one.
Nobody to blame but myself.
At the end of the day, I'm good for nothing.
I don't know what I want.
I don't understand. How can things change just like that?
I ought to know what have I done before being sentence to death.
I wasn't prepare for things to happen this way.
There must be something's wrong, somewhere.
Because, I believe what I saw.
If I'm granted a wish right now,
I hope I will be able to get back to Alor Star in my long hair, with the evening breeze blowing across the wide paddy field, touching my face, under the pretty blue sky, because I know, at least I was smiling sincerely from the bottom of my heart.
And also, because things changed after I cut my luck away...
